St John Lennon

St John Lennon

Today, Dec 8, 2010 the 30^th anniversary of John Lennon’s death, the Roman Catholic Church canonized John Lennon.

To be canonized a saint in the Roman Catholic Church, the Church has the candidate’s body exhumed and examined, a certification of "non cultus" is made to prove that no superstitious or heretical worship or improper cult has grown up around the saint candidate or their tomb, and then relics (pieces of hair, flesh, and bones) of the saint candidate are taken to be sold by the Church at auction or on eBay.  

In addition, at least two miracles must have been performed by the saint candidate.  The Church stated that one miracle was John’s ability to endure his marriage to Yoko Ono and the other was that Yoko Ono actually sold a music album.  A Papal spokesperson, who wishes to remain anonymous, said “If those aren’t two miracles, then I don’t know what the hell a miracle could be”.  

Find your relics here on eBay

Wesley Snipes off to the "Big House"

 Snipes Interview

What is up with Wesley Snipes???

No one goes to prison for Tax evasion.  Well except for Al Capone, but that was like 100 years ago and that’s only because the Government couldn’t figure out how to get Capone on murder charges.  But I digress…

Every day I see these TV commercials that show your not so average American citizen saying things like “ Duh! I owed $500,000.00 in back taxes but I only paid $5.00 thanks to Infomercial Tax Consultants”. 

Informercial

 How come Wesley didn’t use one of those places?   Gosh Snipes could have made a bundle on doing commercials for these infomercial companies and still got away with not paying taxes.  Well that is just too sad.  Now Snipes is headed to the “big house” for 3 years.  His lawyers got their money and Snipes still has to pay taxes.   However on the “upside” Snipes is going to make some con named “bubba” a real fine “Wong Foo”.  Good Luck Noxeema Jackson see ya in three years!!!

The Great Pumpkin Flood of Fall 2010

October 2 2010 Pumpkins floating down the Connecticut River

Last weekend October 2 2010  the heavy rains along the Upper Valley produced unusual flooding of the area.   A pumpkin farmer in Newbury VT lost over 130,000 pumpkins in the flooding when the crop of already picked pumpkins ended up floating away down river.  The following link shows a video report on the great pumpkin floating disaster. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9QWdPH3eZc

So being the eternal optimist I thought I would propose the following, which I think would benefit the entire country and make all of us feel better about politics at the same time.

Instead of elections I believe that we should have the following process for determining our elected officials.  Here is how it would go.  Every voting citizen, Democrat and Republican, would buy a pumpkin and mark it with a red R (for Republican) or a blue D (for Democrat).   The citizen would register their pumpkin with the town voting official on the day of voting at their local bridge on their local river.  After registering their pumpkin and getting an official voting stamp on their R or D pumpkin, the citizen would throw their pumpkin into the river.   At the first dam downstream of the bridge no less than 5 miles away, the voting officials would collect the pumpkins that made it to the dam and whichever party had the most pumpkins would win the election.  After the elections the voting officials could then resell the pumpkins to pay for their salary.

This is a “win win” situation for everyone. 

• It puts God back into our government process because only an act of God could get the pumpkin 5 miles downstream
• Farmers would get the revenue from selling pumpkins to the good voting citizens
• The voting officials would have to really work for their salary and make a buck reselling the pumpkins
• It would eliminate voter fraud
• No annoying political ads
• It would be a hell of lot more fun than the present voting process

So please write your elected officials and request a change to the new voting process. 

This announcement was brought to on behalf of the Political Organization Of Pumpkins (POOP) and I approve this POOP

Oct 15 2010  The Great Pumpkin Pilot (PP) voting event

We decided to have a Pumpkin Pilot (PP) and hired a professional voting official to run the pilot.   Dangle Lynn Chad was last employed in Florida during the Bush/Gore elections.  Ironically Dangle hasn’t been able to find employment since.

Here is the Dangle Lynn Chad report.

The PP did not go well.

• Dick Cheney was visiting NH during the pumpkin pilot and was hunting on the river.   He accidentally shot all the pumpkins with a Blue D. He apparently mistook the pumpkins for ducks.   He also wounded 3 secret service men, 4 farmers, 5 cows, and 6 little old ladies attending a baptism on the river.
• The NH Fish and Game made us remove all pumpkins from the river that had pictures of Hillary and Pelosi because they were scaring all the fish.
• The Red R pumpkins couldn’t find their way to any destination.
• Pumpkins with Obama pictures kept going upstream against the current.
• A bunch of pumpkins with a T for tea party ended up in the river.  We put them in the “tupid” pile.
• Finally only a handful of pumpkins made it to the finish line.   They were pumpkins marked with a B for Bush with stickers that said “Mission accomplished” and “do you miss me yet”

     Needless to say the Pumpkin Pilot was a bust.